An essay about Juneteenth

You might want to listen to this one… it’s loooooong.

Five years ago I sat on my back porch for 6 hours on a Saturday writing the longest essay I have written since college (I was 36 at the time).

I would have loved to revise this version with reports of much improved race relations in this country, but unfortunately, things are not only as bad as they were then, they’re far worse.

I will say this:

I lived in Washington, D.C. when I wrote this.

I was there when they named Black Lives Matter Plaza and painted #BLACKLIVESMATTER on pavement in huge letters.

It saddened me to learn that the painted mural had since been removed.

I can’t even begin to imagine how black people feel — how could they not perceive that as anything other than their lives don’t matter?

Heartless.

As much as our country is advancing technologically and financially, it seems we keep taking steps backwards on the diversity & inclusion front, and that’s really sad.

I hope it changes. I really do.

Thanks for reading, and please consider restacking it if it resonates.

Hi5,

LD

🌶️

June 19, 2020

June 19th, or Juneteenth as it's commonly referred, is an unofficial American holiday and an official Texas state holiday to commemorate Union Army general Gordon Granger announcing federal orders in the city of Galveston, Texas, on June 19, 1865, proclaiming that all slaves in Texas were now free.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I didn't know the significance of this day prior to 2020, and I'm willing to bet that I'm not in the minority on that one. Amidst the chaos that this year has brought across the globe, there is perhaps nothing more important right now than the #blacklivesmatter movement gaining unprecedented traction in the US since the 60s.

The importance of the #blacklivesmatter movement is the reason that I am writing this article, and if in doing so I can affect positive change or dialogue with just ONE person, it will have been worth the Saturday it took me to write it, although I will say that simply by thinking about this topic and putting those thoughts down has been worthwhile for me, personally.

Before I go on, I think it’s important to provide a little context about myself and my own cultural experience. I was born in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, the only child of Canadian parents of Irish-Italian heritage.

I went to elementary school with all kinds of different people — African Americans, Asians, Europeans, Hispanics, Middle Easterners, Native Alaskans, and so on and so forth. As a result, I was never afraid of people who were “different” than I was. Like most young kids, I didn’t hate or judge people based on their race, religion, or ethnicity.

I moved to the United States in 1997 and have lived here since, which is 64% of my lifetime. In July 2009, I became a proud American Citizen and still am today, despite the turbulent times in which we as a nation find ourselves.

My Canadian accent is long gone, the result of training myself repeatedly for months to say “a-BOWWWT” vs. the stereotypical Canadian “aboUUUUT” when I was ridiculed for being different at the all-boys prep school I attended.

I’m told by my American friends that they can still hear the Canadian in me when I say choice words, but my family in Canada often quips about my “southern drawl,” which is hard for me to detect, but I’m sure all Canadians would.

I’m married to a woman born to parents of the American south (Arkansas & Kentucky), and we currently reside in Arlington, VA just outside of Washington, D.C., where we moved to get more space to raise our kids: a 3-year-old boy and 7-month-old girl, whom we plan to raise as accepting, caring, compassionate, critically-thinking human beings with open hearts & open minds, and a firm belief in equality and justice for all.

All of this is to say that, in essence, I’m pretty much as American as an immigrant can be. And I’m proud of it, but the thing I miss most about my homeland is the exposure to & social acceptance of diversity, inclusion, & multiculturalism. Looking back on my childhood, I now realize that being raised in that environment shaped me emotionally & intellectually more than I could ever have imagined.

Frankly, I am afraid that my kids, here in America, won’t have the benefit of experiencing that same level of acceptance & diversity the way I did.

So what can I do about that?

At the very LEAST, I can do everything within my means & power to ensure that they are raised never to judge human beings by their race, ethnicity, the sound of their voice, or any other superficial trait. To realize that all lives are created equal, and that as Americans, it is their responsibility to uphold the values of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness as written in the United States Declaration of Independence.

The problem I’m going to face, however, is that while the terms “Life, Liberty, and Justice for All” from the Declaration of Independence, and "One nation, indivisible, with liberty & justice for all" are wonderful things to aspire to, and a great for a nation of people to strive for, it is NOT an accurate depiction of the reality in which we live. And without bashing the Founding Fathers or offending too many proud Americans, I’d argue that it hasn’t been an accurate reflection since its conception.

The Declaration of Independence’s Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, and Pledge of Allegiance’s “one nation, indivisible, with liberty and Justice for all” should have an asterisk next to them, because you can’t be for that AND discriminate/enslave an entire race of humans based solely on the color of their skin.

When you think about it from this perspective, it’s no wonder that systemic inequality persists in this country. It stems from seeds of racism planted centuries ago, the roots of which run far deeper than we can possibly comprehend.

Now that you know a bit about my background & perspective, it’s time to talk about HOW WE CHANGE THAT.

How do we ensure that the #blacklivesmatter movement actually results in systemic change?

That George Floyd isn’t just another name on the long list of black people wrongfully & unjustifiably killed by law enforcement officers in this country?

Well, here are some ideas:

1) STAND UP & SPEAK OUT

I’m encouraged by the peaceful protests that are happening across this country & globally. Peaceful protests are powerful catalysts for social disruption. It’s imperative, however, that they remain peaceful. Rioting, looting, & violence serve no purpose in accomplishing the long-term, strategic objective of systemic change.

Even if the frustration fueling that behavior is justified & understandable, these actions are counterproductive & detrimental to the cause because they enable people to find reasons why the current system cannot & should not change.

Think about it: those afraid of black people will never support changing their cultural condition & social status if they see lawless behavior that perpetuates their fears, no matter how unfair & unjustified they may be.

2) EMBRACE, EMPOWER, & ENCOURAGE YOUNGER GENERATIONS

Being born in the internet age, GEN Z is surrounded by information, which all but guarantees that they are better positioned to develop their own cultural & societal perspectives by drawing from a much broader spectrum than any generation to precede them.

This generation isn’t satisfied to adopt their parent’s ideals as their own, or to simply accept what they see on the news as reality. They want to experience life, learn from it, and understand how things work and why in order to arrive at their own conclusions. As a result, I truly believe that they’ll be the smartest, most impactful and successful yet, with the potential to bring about substantive change to American culture & society not seen since the ‘60s.

We need to ensure that we embrace and encourage their empathy, fervor, and idealism. But perhaps most importantly, we must be mindful not to try and squash it by discouraging them. Older generations often criticize younger generations for being well-intentioned but naive, with “no real understanding for how the world really works.”

To a certain extent, that’s true, but the benefits of their zeal far outweigh the negatives of their inexperience, in my opinion, and so it’s on us older generations to fill in the gaps in an informative, nurturing way. And to be mindful that we do not come across as, patronizing, because that’s counterproductive.

3) ENGAGING & INFORMING YOUNGER GENERATIONS

I recently got into a heated debate with a cousin of mine in Canada who is in her 20s and very passionate about this cause. During our exchange, she got really frustrated and accused me of sounding like one of the privileged white people who enable racial inequality by essentially saying “this is how it is - nothing I can do about it.”

Initially, I was annoyed by it because I’ve never considered myself prejudiced, always supported equal rights, and as of recent events have started making automatic monthly contributions to the Equal Justice Initiative & NAACP Criminal Defense Fund. But in retrospect, I do understand how I could have come across that way and why she struggled to appreciate my perspective, because it’s unrealistic to expect her to!

For starters, my cousin is a few years out of college & I’m roughly 10 years older than she is, have less time on my hands as a married father of a toddler and an infant whom I will not risk frightening nor harming by bringing them to a protest. As well, I have spent the last 20 years living in Washington, D.C., which has the 4th largest population of African Americans in the United States.

I’m not suggesting that I know better than she does, but I just know more, simply from being around longer and exposed to more. And that’s not at all her fault or a reflection on her. I’m not trying to discredit or invalidate her position; it’s just a fact. Truth is, I love her passion & am so proud of her for speaking up. I’m not sure I would have had the backbone in my mid-twenties to go head-to-head with family members so much older than me. That’s amazing.

4) UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN BIASES THROUGH SELF-REFLECTION & OTHER PERSPECTIVES

When I was around my cousin's age, three African American teenagers casually strolling down the same street as some friends and I stopped us, pulled out a shotgun, forced us to the ground and robbed us. The whole incident lasted less than 1 minute, though it felt like a lifetime in the moment, and although we walked away from it unscathed physically, it had a profound mental & emotional impact on me.

For the first time in my life, I felt anger, hatred, and prejudice towards black people. I’d get into discussions about it with friends & family, and say: “you don’t hear about many white people robbing black people at gunpoint” or “why do you think an overwhelming majority of inmates in the correctional system are black?” At one point, my father even said something along the lines of: “I know that was an awful experience, but I’m worried that you’re becoming a racist.”

Looking back on this period in my life more than a decade later, I’m ashamed & embarrassed that I ever thought those thoughts, uttered those words, and took those stances. But I was angry, confused, frightened, feeling violated & vulnerable in a way I never had before, and above all else young. It’s hard to see the forest for the trees when you’re that young and emotion is so raw.

With age, I’ve become a lot more analytical and think more critically about the bigger picture than I was able to do 10 years ago. I now know that even though those teens were most definitely responsible for what happened to me and my friends that night, and that it was wrong of them to do what they did to us, that minute of sheer terror, uncertainty, and the months of emotional toil that followed were merely a glimpse into the feelings those kids probably have on a daily basis just living their lives. That was a powerful realization for me.

In 37 years as a privileged white man:

• I’ve never been afraid of the police and I sure as hell would never think to put both of my hands out of the window of my car when being pulled over.

• I’ve never noticed people looking at me suspiciously just for walking down the street, or worse, shooting me while jogging.

• I’ve never been followed around a department store by security guards.

• I’ve never worried about decreasing the likelihood of my being accepted to university or considered for a job because of the way my name is spelled or sounds.

• I’ve never known what it feels like to be in the minority or felt out of place because of the color of my skin.

I’m pretty sure every single black person in America has experienced one if not all of the above, plus a whole host of others. And what we privileged white people need to realize is that facing those things day-in, day-out is bound to take a tremendous toll on the human psyche of black people.

When everyone around you is skeptical of you, how can you not become skeptical of your own self? Imagine what that does not only to your own self-confidence, esteem, and worth, but also your hopes and realities of day-to-day life? How do you not succumb to the stereotypes perpetuated by society at large?

But being white is not something I deserve any credit for or have any right to feel superior to or more deserving of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness than anyone else. I was born just the same as a black baby, save for my skin color. That’s literally the ONLY difference between white babies and black babies as far as I’m concerned.

And yet, from the moment they leave the hospital, the life experiences of black and white babies will be completely opposite to one another because inequality and racism are so deeply rooted in American culture, history, and society. That’s neither right nor fair, and I cannot for the life of me understand how anyone can think differently about that. It’s simple, rational logic.

5) DON’T BE FOOLED OR NAIVE

Just because you, your family, friends, neighbors, or community aren’t racist by word or deed, doesn’t mean racism isn’t all around you. The roots run long, wide and deep...

To use an analogy, there’s a gigantic tree in my backyard that’s probably 60 feet high with a circumference so wide that my wife & I could stand on either side of it with our arms extended and not have our fingers touch.

I have no idea how old that tree is, but what I do know is that its roots sprawl across the entirety of my backyard, which is nearly 10,000 square feet. And I know this because in some parts of the lawn, the gnarly humps of the root jut out from the ground. Sometimes we trip on them. Sometimes my lawn mower stops working because I forgot it was there and the blade can’t penetrate the thick wood.

To borrow an incredible analogy from the great Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s recent OpEd in the Los Angeles Times:

“Racism in America is like dust in the air. It seems invisible — even if you’re choking on it — until you let the sun in. Then you see it’s everywhere. As long as we keep shining that light, we have a chance of cleaning it wherever it lands. But we have to stay vigilant, because it’s always still in the air.” - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Just because you don’t do or say racist things doesn’t mean you’re not obligated to shine a light on the dust of racism and try to clean it where it lands.

Just because you aren’t a member of the KKK, don’t fly a confederate flag in front of your house, use racial slurs, or condone inequality, doesn’t mean that your inaction isn’t enabling racism to continue its reign of terror on our society.

Realize that you CAN do more and you MUST.

6) HAVE UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATIONS AND CHALLENGE OTHERS

Recently I saw a friend of a friend posting stories on Instagram that promoted #alllivesmatter. She’s a privileged white woman with plenty of money and she was sharing all sorts of Fox News quotes and Tweets from right-wing politicians and pundits.

To the best of my knowledge, she’s not racist and she does not condone the actions of the police in the death of George Floyd, but it was obvious to me that she was missing the point and being pretty tone-deaf.

One of the things she shared eluded to the unjust firing of someone for taking the stance that #alllivesmatter, I think it was a news anchor or something, and while it’s generally pretty uncharacteristic of me to start disagreements with people that I don’t know very well, I found myself incensed by her commentary and couldn't hold back.

So I used another analogy, because I think analogies are easier for obtuse people to comprehend than other forms of discussion. So I sent her an instagram message and we had the following exchange:

For the record, I take no issue with conservatives being conservatives because they believe in smaller government, lower taxes, or even that thing social welfare programs are a waste of taxpayer money. I don’t agree with them, but I don’t hold it against them. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

But to me, a privileged white person responding to #blacklivesmatter with #alllivesmatter shows an unfathomable lack of ability to put themselves in other people’s shoes, cultural sensitivity, empathy, not to mention a remarkable sense of self-centeredness. It’s like they're arguing for the sake of being contrarian.

I was so fired up by the exchange that I had to create a video about how messed up it is for people to respond to #blacklivesmatter with #alllivesmatter. In my opinion, people who do that are WORSE than people who are openly/outright racist because instead of owning their position, they hide cowardly behind a passive-aggressive phrase that enables them to deflect any type of personal accountability for enabling the systemic oppression of African Americans that exists in America. And that is, in my opinion, cowardice in its truest form.

After all was said and done, our conversation ended with me unfollowing her on Instagram and I’m fairly certain I’ll never talk to her again, which is perfectly fine by me!

7) TAKE ACTION

It’s time for privileged people in America to stop being cowards when it comes to racism.

It’s time for us to stop just saying “racism is bad” and start standing up for systemic change.

With an election coming in November 2020, there is NO better time than now. In fact, NOW is too late. We’re already behind. If you agree that #blacklivesmatter, it is imperative that you VOTE in the next presidential election.

So I’d encourage you to join me and the rest of the compassionate, rational humans standing up for REAL change by doing any or all of the following:

1. Donating to causes dedicated to equal rights & the cultural & social condition of African Americans. Two of my favorite are the Equal Justice Initiative and the NAACP Criminal Defense Fund

2. Speaking out for what you believe in - we need to shout this from the hills, far and wide. Social media, written and video posts, medium articles, calling people on bullshit when you hear or see it.

3. Talk to a black person about what they want to see white people doing to help them. Don’t assume you know and don’t shy away from learning from them because it feels awkward or uncomfortable. All African Americans want is to be heard. Let’s listen up.

4. Protest peacefully

8. CONCLUSION

This wound up being way longer than I had anticipated.

Quite frankly, I haven’t thought this much about something and written the feelings associated since college.

But I’m glad I did.

It’s been on my mind for some time now and this was somewhat cathartic for me.

I greatly appreciate you taking the time to hear me out on this topic. I welcome any feedback - positive or negative alike - and would encourage you to share this if you feel so inclined.

The more people discuss, educate, and take action, the greater the chances we see some meaningful change for that oh-so-amazing generation Z and every single one to follow.